Savior
by PrussianKnight9
Summary: Hidan cannot believe it when he discovers Kakuzu is in trouble. Not caught in the hands of the enemy, nope, but stuck in a damn hole. And why can't he just crawl out himself? Hidan isn't sure if Kakuzu's doing this on purpose to skip out on their important mission. He's really fine... right? One-shot fic for a tumblr prompt.


**This is a one-shot for the prompt post I made on tumblr! I requested people to send me prompts for one of three themes (Panic, Anger, Confusion), and here is one for PANIC, suggested by tumblr user "quantum-rebellion". The prompt was to have "either Kakuzu or Hidan get stuck in a hole and their only hope rests in their partner".**

 **I apologize if this isn't exactly what you wanted, but the main reason I asked for the prompts was so I could get used to writing Hidan and Kakuzu again! So thank you very much, and hope it's still enjoyable!**

* * *

It had all started because of the damn rendezvous point. He'd known—he'd _fucking known_ —it was going to blow up in their faces. That it would be a mistake. That the integrity of their entire mission would be put at risk because of it.

Never during his entire career in this accursed organisation would Hidan have imagined switching roles with his full-time colleague, Kakuzu. Sure, it was annoying to hear the bastard rambling on about how useless he was all the time, but Hidan _could_ admit that he definitely wasn't the tactician in their little two-man team. Hell, even he couldn't trust his own judgement most of the time, which was why he rarely considered strategies in the first place. And besides, any plan Kakuzu wove out always worked just fine, so it wasn't like there was any need for him to contribute, nor question the guy's methods.

So naturally, when Hidan had argued for hours that the rendezvous was a shit idea, Kakuzu hadn't listened. The fucking bastard, already high as a kite on the prospect of more money, had insisted they regroup at the Oak Bridge (an adamant request made by their client): a wide, towering structure that connected the precipices of two cliffs that were separated by a gaping abyss so deep you couldn't see what lay at the bottom. It was also the only place that they were caught lurking around by the enemy yesterday, and although they had never engaged a full-on fight, there were plenty of implications made by both ends that the next encounter would be the last.

Hidan could hardly believe that this man, who always triple-checked his bounty sums and waited indefinitely until he witnessed his victims draw their last breaths, could have possibly overlooked the warning air that just screamed _ambush_ from every inch of atmospheric space within the bridge's vicinity.

But what's done is done, and now the Jashinist was left alone to pick up the pieces. After running for two straight fucking hours he finally arrived to where they'd planned to meet up, huffing and puffing like a bull. Like he expected, the bridge was now nonexistent and all that remained of it were the smoking remains on either side of the chasm. Bodies were littered everywhere—dozens, by the look of it—and each of them bore the same damn symbol that was worn by all the soldiers of Kazuun city.

The gist was that the shinobi protecting the feudal palace practiced some advanced form of a particle technique that messed with the body, and could even apparently attack specific chakra points on a molecular level. According to Kakuzu's simple summarization of the Leader's droning lecture, the technique primarily worked not through the attacker's frequent initiation of the jutsu, but through contagion. One would simply activate it on one enemy individual, and if the person so much as breathed next to their comrade, they'd all be drooling on the ground within minutes. The main idea was to stay far away from each other as possible, to prevent the loss of both team members in case only one of them was hit.

At first Hidan had been ecstatic to finally be away from Kakuzu for once, whooping at the prospect of not having to be near that asshole on a mission. But then the day arrived and a small part of him had begun to dread the fact, because it meant he had to do everything—all the complicated stuff that he'd always taken for granted with a handy Kakuzu around—by himself; from planning the routes, to keeping vigilant for any stray trackers, and making sure he was timing his moves accordingly with the rest of the dispersed members, he was completely on his own.

It was indeed unusual for the entire Akatsuki to be dispatched all at once on a single mission. Typically, one team was more than enough to take care of one assignment, or on some occasions, multiple assignments. In fact, in many cases they really only needed one man to take care of most things, but due to their strict orders to move in pairs, sightings all over the countries would always occur of two cloaked figures.

It was supposed to be an assassination mission, simple and straight-forward. But then they were each handed a radio strap and a small earpiece, and had been advised to utilize extra caution. And that was why they found themselves in this shitstorm now.

They looked like fucking collars, the radio straps (Hidan doesn't do collars), so he'd stuffed it in his pocket as soon as they'd left their six separate ways. He'd entertained himself for a while with a few mental images, chuckling at the thought of Kakuzu chatting away to a dead end. But now Hidan was scrambling to figure out how to put the blasted thing on, as it was possibly the only linkage he had to his partner right now.

"Mic under chin," he recited under his breath, trying to remember the process he'd been shown, the same process he'd ignored a majority of. "Calibrate for three—no, four— _fuck—"_

In the end, he did his best to imitate what he'd seen others do, tinkering with a few things. To his relief, his earpiece crackled to life with static, indicating that it was on. He pressed the small button on it a few times, and the static suddenly cleared. "Kakuzu?" he yelled, heart thumping wildly as he waited for a response.

 _"Wrong line, Hidan."_ The tinny voice of Deidara came puttering through the small speaker in his ear. _"Try ten."_

But Hidan had no idea how to switch to the appropriate channel. He pressed the small button twice, and tried again. "Kakuzu!?"

 _"... My, my, if it isn't my favorite of the zombie combo! Don't tell me you've lost him already_ —"

Hidan growled and cut off Kisame's laughter, spamming the button repeatedly as he flipped through the different frequencies. "Oi, geezer! Fucking say something!"

 _"If I hear your voice one more time on this line you shitty brat—"_ It was the snarling voice of Sasori, which was suddenly overridden by Deidara again.

 _"Hidan, channel six is ours, yeah. You and Kakuzu are on ten, so press your button four times_."

 _"Deidara, if you cut me off again I swear to god—"_

Hidan didn't stick around to hear the rest of Sasori's threat. He pressed his button four times in rapid succession, and practically screamed into the mic: "Kakuzu! Answer me, you dick!"

There was silence on the other end. Hidan punched a nearby tree in rage. _"_ Kakuzu!" he roared again, the volume of his voice sending a few birds shrieking from their nests in the canopies above. " _KA-KU-ZU!"_

Something crackled in his earpiece. There was a stream of static, and then _finally,_ a voice he'd been waiting for all along.

 _"I'm going ... partially deaf because ... you."_

 _"Kakuzu!_ " Hidan howled. "Ahh, for fuck's sake!" He started to pace back and forth in agitation, stepping over the cold corpses of the Kazuun soldiers. "I _told_ you—I _fucking told you so_ —Jashin damn it— _fuck!"_ He paused to take a massive breath and released it slowly. "Okay. _Okay,_ whatever. Just where the hell are you, man?"

 _" ...see ... five miles ..._ — _"_

"I can't hear you," Hidan snapped, stopping in his tracks. "Wait..." He fiddled with the small gear on the radio strap, twisting it until the incessant crackling faded away to a quiet hum in the background. "Hello?"

 _"Yes."_

"Fucking finally," Hidan breathed, exasperated. He ran his hand over his face. "Where are you, old man? I just got to the bridge."

 _"They've taken me about five miles west from the bridge. Our client is dead."_ Hidan was about to reply when he stopped, frowning as the retort died upon the tip of his tongue. Kakuzu sounded rather... off, and it wasn't due to the shitty radio quality. _"It's hard to tell exactly where I am, but if you look for a large hole in the ground about five paces wide, you're on the right track."_

"Five miles west to the fucking—wait, did you just say you were in a _hole?"_ Hidan shouted in disbelief, jaw nearly hitting the ground. "How the fuck did you manage that!?"

 _"It seems our client was right; their feudal lord has been doing some... intrasocietal cleansing,"_ came Kakuzu's wry reply. _"There are other bodies here, but I seem to be the last of them for now._ "

"The hell do you..." Hidan trailed off, his eyes going wide as he finally understood what he just heard. "Kakuzu! They're going to bury you alive! Get the fuck outta there now!"

 _"I can't."_

"What do you mean, you can't!?" Hidan bellowed, resisting the urge to stomp his feet. "Climb out! Use your fucking masks if you have to! Put your damned threads to use!" As he tried to wrack his brain to make sense of any of this, a sudden, horrible thought overcame him like a cold blanket. "Kakuzu, were you hit?"

 _"...I don't know."_

" _What the fuck do you mean, you don't know!?_ Look, I—" The sound of a large bomb going off resonated in the distance, followed by the thick column of black smoke ascending into the sky.

" _Shit;_ Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori have engaged aerial," Hidan hissed frantically, pulling at his hair. "We should be on the rooftops by now, damn it!"

 _"Go, quickly. Don't use the road; cut across the mine field instead, and you'll reach the palace within ten minutes."_

"Are you fucking kidding me? _You_ were supposed to be there holding off the defense squad! How am I supposed to get in there all by myself!"

 _"Get Itachi and Kisame out of the perimeter and improvise. There's no time for dawdling."_

Any other day, Hidan would have refused and argued. But this was not a game anymore, and the Jashinist did not want to be the sole cause of a failed mission, just because he was being a fucking child and consequently sent everyone else's efforts down the drain. Uttering a stream of foul curses that would've made a sailor cry, Hidan whirled around on his heel and headed into the forest, and jumped over the fence that barricaded the old mine field from travellers. Thankfully they were mostly duds, and escaped the couple he did set off with some burns and missing flesh, but thankfully no severed limbs.

The next few minutes were wasted in an unintentional screaming match between him and Kisame as neither of them succeeded in deciphering what the other person was saying. Thankfully the Uchiha came to their rescue shortly after, seeming to understand the change in plans that Hidan was trying to relay.

By the time Hidan reached the city entrance, all of the gatekeepers and scouts were dead and he was able to enter with ease. With Deidara and Sasori's distractions overhead, and Itachi and Kisame engaging the remaining soldiers that held their stubborn ground, Hidan was able to successfully infiltrate the quarters of the feudal lord and slit his throat over his chess board. To signify that the job was done, he removed a small pistol from his pocket, aimed at the sky from the window, and fired. A bright burst of green smoke erupted in the air. The entire process took thirty minutes.

With Kakuzu, it would have only taken ten.

"Hey!" A gigantic whoosh of air and Deidara's white bird swooped over them. "You guys took your sweet time, yeah! This city's huge, I nearly ran out of clay!"

"Ah, apologies!" Kisame called cheekily, waving. "There was a change in our formation. This was our first time working with Hidan and we had to make some adjustments along the way."

"The only person who can work efficiently with that guy is Kakuzu," Deidara grumbled. "Where are they, anyway? I swear I saw Hidan running into the forest as soon as he left the palace, yeah."

"It doesn't matter," said Itachi. "Our work here is done. Let's report back to the base."

~*o*~

"Five miles west to the bridge," Hidan muttered to himself as he jumped from tree to tree without any regards for stealth. "Five miles west ... five miles ... I can't believe that fucker is still in there, _shit,_ what a waste of time.. _._ I gotta do everything around here, that stupid, lazy piece of—"

 _"I can still hear you."_

"Kakuzu!" Hidan exclaimed, nearly tripping over a stray branch. "You out yet?"

 _"No."_

"Well of course you're fucking not," he growled angrily, picking up speed again as he squinted at the ground. "Are you even trying, dumbass?"

 _"...Hidan, I can't move."_

"Oh, boo _hoo,_ " Hidan snapped. "None of your pathetic excuses, old man. This whole time you loved to act all strong n' mighty and now you can't even crawl out of some stupid ditch? Give me a break!"

There was no immediate response from the other end. Undeterred, Hidan continued to ramble irritably as he began to slow down as he began to properly search. "Honestly, you could've at least _tried_ to come up with a better excuse. I've seen you climb cliffs with both arms cut off. And remember that one time we were both stuck in that Earth trap and you fucking electrocuted yourself to be free again? My point is, you're the kind of bastard that will do anything to get what you want, even if you gotta destroy two of your own hearts. So my only conclusion is that you got lazy and decided to leave all the dirty work to me, you slimy son of a—Kakuzu?"

Hidan abruptly stopped talking when there was a sudden disturbance coming from his earpiece, like a sleeve was brushing the mic. Then the sound of breathing—slow and slightly unsteady—filled the tiny speaker and the Jashinist stumbled to an uncertain halt. "Oi," he began slowly. "Kakuzu, you all right over there?"

 _"Fine,"_ came the gruff reply. _"Are you here yet?"_

"Eh, dunno..." Hidan scratched his head, hopping to the nearest tree ahead. "I should be close, though. Give me something!"

 _"If you're close then it's fine. Just look carefully."_

"What the fuck are you on about?" Hidan moaned. "Just a small signal will do, damn it! It's not like it's hard!"

 _"My chakra system isn't responding."_ At that, the Jashinist really did trip. He yelped and twisted just in time so that he landed on his back instead of face, and he scrambled up immediately as soon as he hit the ground. _"It's getting rather dark."_

"Like hell it is! It's the middle of the fucking day!" Hidan snarled. "Throw a rock or something then! _Whoa_ —oi, Kakuzu!"

His ear was filled with the sound of someone sighing, and then the crackling became louder until Hidan had to adjust the volume to make out actual words from the white noise. And then—

 _"Forget it."_

"Huh?"

 _"Turn around. Don't come this way."_ The static was unbearable. Kakuzu suddenly sounded thinner, raspier, as if he was hit with an unexpected bout of exhaustion. It didn't help that the radio kept cutting out in between, either.

Hidan let out a bark of a laughter, refusing to scratch the beginnings of a slight trepidation that began to grow within his mind. "Stop saying weird shit, old man! I'm getting close!" He began to pick up his pace until he was full-out sprinting. "Stay the fuck there so I can see your shitty face!"

" _No, something doesn't seem right. It's ... really hot ... Hid_ — _"_ A loud crunching noise, and then an earsplitting _screech_ drowned off the rest of the sentence as their transmission suddenly went haywire.

" _Kakuzu!?"_ Hidan shouted in alarm, pressing the earpiece into his skull as if that would help him hear anything. "Kakuzu, what's goin' on!?"

There was an unnerving silence that answered. Their line was dead.

Hidan cursed loudly and took off at full speed, crashing through the undergrowth with his heart in his throat. He was about to leap back into the trees when he felt the smallest shudder beneath his feet, accompanied by a low, steady rumble. _Oh, fuck,_ he thought frantically, and changed direction to its source. Not long after, he finally staggered to a stop at the mouth of a large pit: the hole was drilled ten feet deep, and small charges attached to the walls were detonating in intervals, causing the soil to crumble rapidly.

At the bottom, he could see a pile of bodies, all civilian by the looks of it. Not a single sign of chakra could be detected, and if it had just been the dead townsfolk down there then this would have been just fine. The problem was that he could also see Kakuzu down there, sitting upon the rest of the bodies like a corpse himself. The bastard really hadn't been lying when he'd said that his system was down.

" _Oi!"_ Hidan called, crouching down and waving. "Oi, up here old man!"

Slowly, Kakuzu lifted his head. It was difficult to see his expression as he was hidden by shadow. "What..."

"That's right, ya fucker! I'm here to save your sorry ass! What would you do without me, eh?" Hidan said, grinning.

There was a shrill noise, and ten seconds later another charge detonated right next to a large boulder that stuck out from an angle. Dirt exploded and rained everywhere; the boulder was dislodged and the hardened soil began to disintegrate and slide into the hole.

"Shit!" Without even a second's worth of reconsideration, Hidan jumped. He crashed to the bottom ungracefully among a bloody heap of civilian corpses, but he paid them no mind. All of his attention was fixed upon the figure pressed into the dirt wall, struggling feebly to remain upright as they were sprayed with bits of rock and mud.

"Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled, shaking his shoulder violently. Kakuzu's cloak was nowhere to be found, and it looked like he'd tried to rip off his hood and mask rather hastily, as pieces of it were still bundled at his neck. Long hair was spilling over his face, but when he looked up the Jashinist was shocked at how sickly he looked. Sweat was gathering on his brow, and his breath came abnormally deep and strained. "Shit, those bastards... fuckfuckfuck _fuck!"_ It also appeared that he had torn off his radio strap, and bits of it were still clenched in a tight fist.

"You ... fucking idiot," Kakuzu was wheezing, and he still managed to shoot a menacing death glare at Hidan despite looking like a trainwreck. "I told you ... not to come ... it's infectious—"

"I am _not_ going to listen to that shit Leader whine about his dead treasure hunter!" Hidan screamed back, shaking the downpour of dirt out of his eyes. "So snap out of it!" He ducked and dragged the older man with him as the boulder finally gave in and crashed two inches from their faces.

 _"Too hot,"_ Kakuzu groaned, one hand clawing at the collar of his shirt while the other arm was being tugged by a howling Hidan. "I can't breathe—"

" _Auuugh!"_ Hidan roared through clenched teeth. " _Fucking help me!_ We're gonna be stuck!" He finally succeeded in yanking both of them out of the dirt (thank Jashin it was soft soil) but Kakuzu suddenly swayed and crumpled to his knees like a stringless puppet. Bellowing in frustration, Hidan slung the entirety of the older man's weight over one shoulder (and _fucking hell,_ was he heavy), he concentrated as much chakra as he could into his hands and feet and began clawing his way out of the hole like a zombified beast. But it was difficult; there was little to no purchase and carrying a man of his own weight didn't help either. For the fifth time, he slid back down uselessly.

"Fuck!" Hidan screamed. The dirt was rapidly piling, and they were now waist deep in it. He turned to Kakuzu, who couldn't even remain upright for more than five seconds. "I can't do it like this! Lemme try something else!" Without waiting for an answer, the Jashinist let go of the older man and scrambled free of the soil. Digging his fingers into the walls, he clambered up and over the edge, panting and sweating. He then gripped his scythe and rammed it as hard as he could into the roots of a nearby tree, wrapping some of the metal coil around the trunk for good measure.

Hidan took the other end of the coil and winded it around his own waist so tightly it became painful. Checking to make sure the blade was still securely held, he dashed back to the pit and carefully began to lower himself into it.

"I'm coming," he grit out as he slowly released small lengths of extra coil in his hands, inching down bit by bit. "Don't you fucking move, you utter fucking shit..."

He did this until he was able to reach out and graze the tips of his fingers over Kakuzu's half-buried form. "Oi!" he roared, tugging at a few strands on the man's hair. "Get up, get up!"

Kakuzu did, albeit sluggishly and looking like he was hanging on the precipice of life and death.

"Take my hand!" Kakuzu just stared at the outstretched limb like he was struggling to understand what it was. Hidan heard the shrill beep that warned of another charge—this one was a mere inch away from their faces, and _holy fucking shit it was_ _big_ —about to blow and despite being upside down, Hidan felt himself blanch. " _Fucking shit!_ Quick, holy fuck, hurry the fuck up! Kakuzu!" he screamed, his blood pressure skyrocketing as the high-pitched whistle drove knives into his ears and his heart threatened to burst from his chest. _"_ Kakuzu, just grab my fucking hand or we're all gonna fucking die!"

"What—"

 _"KAKUZU!"_

He felt more than saw the hand closing over his own outstretched one, for he was almost entirely blinded by sheer hot panic. He spun their joined fists so that their arms were half-twisted with each other. To his immense relief, it seemed that Kakuzu had finally recovered enough sanity to grab on to their life-line with his free hand, and with a burst of strength and chakra, Hidan pulled on the metal coil and hoisted them both upwards.

The charge below them exploded; unlike the previous ones, there was a strong gust of scorching heat and blinding light. Hidan's cloak was singed, his skin smoked and blistered where he'd taken the brunt of the blast, and sharp, smoldering rocks embedded themselves deep into his flesh. But he never lost his grip on the coil, and using his chakra-laden feet and hands, he succeeded in hauling themselves over the edge onto grass, without being utterly squashed by any falling earth.

"I—am—never—doing—that—again—" Hidan wheezed, the cramp in his side feeling like a thousand spears and his lungs burning like they were on fire. "You—fucking—owe—me—" He vaguely noticed something wet; he had inadvertently dug his nails deep into Kakuzu's hand, and there were four crescent-shaped punctures that bled profusely. Hidan groaned and wrenched himself free, trying to avoid contact on his burned skin.

Two seconds later and they would not be lying here. The Jashinist would have likely been blown to smithereens, and Kakuzu would have been dead. They'd have been crushed by the weight of the dirt and rocks, which had now piled so that the burial hole was a mere two feet deep. It was a damned good thing they'd stuck to the opposite wall and avoided most of the debris. Otherwise they'd have been complete goners.

Yeah, it was a damned good thing.

Kakuzu was out cold by now, but a quick check showed that a pulse still remained in that stubborn bastard. Unable to get up any further, Hidan lay on his belly and fumbled with his earpiece until he finally reached someone, demanding them for an immediate pick-up. He then collapsed completely, and nodded off until Deidara came fifteen minutes later, wearing a thick white cloth over his nose and mouth.

They brought in one of Sasori's spies, who studied medicine, and so Hidan returned to the base alone. He half-assed his report, told Leader that 'yes, nobody saw us, for Jashin's sake', and was given the two cases of money that the client had paid them earlier on. He was to give them to Kakuzu after he recovered. Hidan had scoffed, but tucked them under his arm anyway.

It turned out that the Kazuun fuckers had somehow managed to break down Kakuzu's chakra system by targeting... ah, whatever Sasori had just rambled on about. Hidan simply stood there nodding and pretending he understood everything what puppet boy was saying about the functional complexities of the human body. He did however catch that there would be a solution made to counter-act the effects of the jutsu, rendering it null and useless. Hidan hadn't been affected because his body healed faster than the contagion worked to destroy the cells, Sasori said. For three fucking days Sasori had sat Hidan down and spat question after question at his face, claiming that they were essential to developing a chemical that was acclimatized to Kakuzu's body.

"What the hell do you mean, you have no idea?" Sasori hissed. "You are his partner!"

"He has five fucking hearts!" Hidan snapped back. "How the fuck am I supposed to know which one's truly his?"

"You must have seen which element he used last, then!" Sasori snarled, slamming his small fist into the table which caused the empty flasks to clatter dangerously. "Are you guys a team or not?"

"Stop yelling at me!" Hidan screamed. "I don't know anything!"

"You are absolutely useless," Sasori said, seething. "I never understood how Kakuzu could deal with you. Get out of my room."

Hidan did, with a lot of swearing and knocking over shelves. He passed a sealed door in the corridor, which led to the quarantined room that Kakuzu was held in. With a deep sigh, the Jashinist returned to his own quarters.

 _~one week later~_

"Well, well, well," Hidan drawled as he approached the bed. "The Sleeping Beauty finally rises. Although you look more like the Beast, to be fair."

Kakuzu made a half-growling, half-groaning noise and turned away, clutching his head. Hidan tossed a chair next to the bed and sat down, crossing his arms. There was a bag of clear liquid slowly dripping its contents down a line into the older man's blood stream, and his normal mask was replaced with a special chakra-absorbing one that prevented the Kazuun jutsu from spreading.

"Hey now, don't be fucking rude," Hidan said. "You were in a coma for six whole days and you won't even look at the guy who saved your fucking life?"

"If anybody saved any lives, it was Sasori." Kakuzu continued to face away from the Jashinist, and sounded more annoyed than anything. "I heard you weren't much of a help, either."

" _Excuse me?"_ Hidan spluttered, gawping at the older man's back. "Who was it that dragged you out of that fucking hole in the first place? You'd be six feet under eating worms by now if it weren't for me, you absolute piece of shit!"

There was a pause, and Kakuzu finally twisted a little to fix Hidan with a slightly disbelieving look. "Ah. I'd forgotten about that..." he admitted eventually.

The Jashinist stared.

"Unbelievable," he said. "Just utterly un-fucking-believable."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and turned away again. "If you're expecting me to thank you then you're wasting your time."

"And why the fuck is that?" Hidan snapped. "Is it a crime for a life-savior wanting to hear some fucking gratitude from the asshole whose life he'd saved?"

"Let me sleep," Kakuzu grumbled.

"You motherf—" Hidan stopped and inhaled deeply, counting to five. "Fine. This is fine. Yep. Sure. All right." He stood up with enough force to knock the frail chair over, and felt a nasty satisfaction in watching Kakuzu flinch at the loud noise adding to his headache. "Hope Sasori accidentally mixes up your antidote," he muttered under his breath as he turned on his heel out of the room.

~*o*~

"Er... Kakuzu, what the fuck is this?"

"What?" Kakuzu deadpanned. "Is it not to your liking?"

"Umm, it's not that," Hidan said slowly, scratching his head. "Just... you've never done this for me before, and it's a little—uh, freaky, y'know?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Why, indeed..." Hidan murmured, staring solemnly at the platform hanging on the wall.

"Are you gentlemen ready?" The Jashinist nearly jumped out of his skin when the unfamiliar voice tore him out of his thoughts.

"Hidan, you've been staring for the past ten minutes. Hurry, or I might change my mind," Kakuzu warned.

"... Are you fucking _sure_ I can have anything I want?"

" _Yes,"_ Kakuzu sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you—"

"Marinated pork ribs for two," Hidan commanded the waitress. "Actually, make that five. And some side dishes."

With the order placed, Hidan turned smugly back to Kakuzu who was looking at him with a look of absolute horror that his mask did nothing to hide. "Are you insane!?" he exploded. "Do we look like five persons to you!"

Hidan shrugged. "You said anything. Besides, you only just got out of bed yesterday, you could use a nice filling dinner for once."

 _"I didn't mean a damn party serving size of the most expensive meal on the menu!"_

"We could leave?" Hidan suggested, even though he wasn't planning on going anywhere for the time being.

Kakuzu suddenly stood up. "I need air," he snapped, and marched out of the restaurant, nearly knocking over a waiter that was balancing two trays in their arms.

Five minutes later he came back, still fuming but looking far less ready to murder everybody within reach. He sat back down and stabbed a finger into Hidan's face. "Just this once," he growled, "I am going to let you go. But this is the _last_ time—" The waitress returned with the plate of raw ribs and set it down. "—the _very last time_ I am going to do this. Is that clear to you?"

"What a charmer you are," Hidan grinned, plopping the ribs down over the heated grill, moaning as a delicious aroma began wafting from it. "What's the special occasion?"

Kakuzu didn't answer, and continued to glare sulkily at some point beyond the Jashinist's shoulder.

"Oi, I need to know what I did that got you treating me to ribs for once, so I can do it again."

"You've been prattling on forever about it," Kakuzu grunted eventually. "Thought I'd shut you up once and for all."

Hidan snorted, flipping the meat over. "Come on, even I can tell that's a lie. And besides, you think I'll be sated after eating ribs for one meal? It's gotta be a regular thing, y'know?"

"That is absolutely not happening," Kakuzu retorted with finality. "Not out of my wallet, anyway."

Halfway through their meal, Hidan finally understood. It was like a lightbulb had gone off in his head. "Ah!" he blurted suddenly, his mouth stuffed full with ribs. He pointed to Kakuzu in an accusatory manner with his chopsticks. "I kno'! Yer feelin' s'rry b'caush I saved yer life! Is thish yer way of shayin' 'fank-you!?" He began to cackle with laughter, choking on the food in his mouth along the way.

Kakuzu, who had gone deathly still with his spoon halfway to his mouth, simply fixed Hidan with a foul glare, but otherwise stayed utterly silent which only made the Jashinist laugh harder. Once he recovered from his fit, he ordered more ribs, reveling in the thunderstorm brewing ominously in his partner's eyes.

After paying for their meal, the night found an angry, empty-pocketed Kakuzu and a pleasantly full Hidan emerging from the barbecue restaurant. Passing through the entrance, they squeezed through the narrow path that led out to the main street. On their way out, Kakuzu accidentally stepped on Hidan's foot, and he'd done so with enough force to crush all of his toes. Hidan howled in pain and had been too busy with it to give much thought, but later when they were finished setting up camp in the forest, the Jashinist wondered if it had really been an accident at all.

He looked towards the older man, who before had a virtual raincloud hanging over his darkened expression the entire time, currently appeared slightly less pissed off.

Hidan shrugged and leaned back on his tree. Well, at least they were both even, now.

* * *

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